Love

 

I keep going back and forth whether to write this or not and well I need to get it out of my system it has been super hard lately.

I don't know why but I think the enemy wants me to be discouraged and give up wanting to be a wife because he sends people to sour the whole topic and pulls me in discouragement. I am very aware that happy endings are rare but why can't I hope in God that I might be one of the blessed ones to have that.

This is a topic I would rather talk to fellow movie fans about because they understand far more than other people do. I have not had examples of healthy love all my life. I have seen abuse, mostly verbal abuse. I have seen so many people complain and be biased on love and relationships and not in a good way.

In all the learning I am doing in one of the classes, they say that women are meant to be helpers and helpmates to men. We aren't meant to do it alone, and I also crave relationships so deeply.  No one seems to understand.

People seem to idolize singleness, and I think this is part of the enemy's plan to keep us stuck, depressed and discouraged. I get it not every relationship is a healthy one or necessarily good but its been hard when this is something you have wanted since you were 5 years old.

Women were created to be a helpmate to men; we need them for the connection, and they need us to help them.

It's hard because I have been so desperate for the connection, and I feel like when I do connect with someone, they leave. Trying to leave it all in God's hands, but doesn't mean it is easy. I also find it's harder to do things with a friend than with a significant other. I feel like friends often need permission from their family to venture out, whereas with a spouse or significant other, you build your life together. 

Not at all discounting friends, we need them too, but it gets lonely at times. I don't know how many outings I have done with people in the past, even family/friends, and felt so alone. It's hard when you don't get to share. I am terrible at interrupting or joining a conversation. Its why I prefer text and chatting online as its at a pace and way I like. I write something, then they write something, and we hear each other. Most of the time, it's one person who does all the talking. Written, both people have the chance, but it can still be onside, it really depends on the other person.

I long for the connection, I want someone I can do stuff with, someone I can share life with. I have my pup which I LOVE DEARLY. But it would be nice to have another human.

I don't know if it will happen for me. I long for it. I long for connection, and seems when I find it, it vanishes. It has not been easy but I will keep hoping. I won't let go of my hope. Even if others are badmouthing love, etc. People need to be more careful with their words. Just cause it did not work out for you. Doesn't mean for others it won't. God is in control.