My church started a series of different presentations on end-time prophecy. It ran from Oct 18 -Nov 1st. I got used to going to church multiple times a week, seeing people, having a drink (non-alcoholic), and there were light refreshments after. A total of 10 presentations.
Well now that its over there is this void. I wanna see people again. While I am an introvert and this will always be me. I still need to be with people. When I am home, I am isolated and only with limited people and my pup. I love her dearly though.
What I am going to post is not about desperation; I am not desperate. I am just longing so much for that connection. Because its fueling my good feelings until it can all happen again.
Well, after the series ended, the last night was all about heaven, which stirred in me how I wish for heaven. We will always be together, not divided. We will see people daily and it be on good terms.
After the presentation, we all got together and watched the Blue Jays game. Well it was mostly me with the guys. Most of the women went elsewhere to do other things and I stayed with the boys. to watch the game. I had not watched a game since the early 90s maybe up to mid 90s. It was a long time.
Now want to talk sports I'd be all over a futbol game. That is my game. I can't wait in 8 months world cup starts and can watch some football for a month. I can't wait.
Now the thing that has been stirring is because I felt so good to be around those people and just be there with them. Didn't connect really, but leads me to this part.
I am longing to connect with someone. I am not naming people or getting too descriptive. I have been giving it to GOD, but boy, it's hard. Relationships are a super struggle for me, but the longing is so much there that I do not know what to do with myself.
Funny how you can see someone for 3 years every week and all of a sudden this desire becomes so huge.
The thing with me is I don't have any way of knowing if it's all in my head, but the possibility might not even be there, but the desire burns fiercely, I just don't know what to do with myself.
All I can continue to do is lay it at Papa God's feet and let him handle it.
My problem is that doing things feels super hard, as someone with my anxiety, sometimes I feel like I am going to stumble. I can only pray for guidance, and God give me the strength, but I also have a fear that this person could reject me, and then I will be crushed. I have too much of that in my life.
But right now I am filled with such positive energy, and even writing this is bringing the good feelings back.
God help me!
The longing to connect.
I just keep praying to God, more events happen, so I can be in the same space with these people again and fast.
I can't believe I wrote all this but I needed to get it out a bit.
Continue to surrender it, give it to God and know he has it in control.
How I wish something so good would happen this month in that area, but what is impossible for me is possible for God.
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