Life update

 

I thought I would make a new post. One reason I need to get things out, and another to update. I do not know who, if anyone, reads, but regardless, I will write.

End of Jan I joined the health ministry at my church. And February was pretty eventful. Will get to that in a bit but right now a bit about the health ministry.

I went to my first salad bar event and took pictures of that. I am also trying to get into doing more graphic design, but there are times I feel my past was for nothing. I do more for myself then others and I get tired of saying I can do it and have to convince people I can. I sometimes feel my graphic design diploma was for nothing. We wasted money on my school for what? Sorry, blowing off some steam.

(picture of our salad jar that we did)

On the positive, I made a new connection, and I feel like I have a new friend. It has been really good for me. This person has been sitting beside me and has given me good feelings. I am so grateful for this and Feb was a really good month. I hope to deepen the connection.

God gave me the word Abundance for 2026, at first I felt so good about it but as the year started I was like I don't think that its going to be. I only started to feel that way in Feb and even from our financial advisor we got a good report. We are doing really well and I am blessed because I know every little thing, people, money, time, etc its all God's. 

Despite having a good month I am feeling a bit discouraged. I think this is why I just sit and stay at home because when I do things for others its not good enough. I seem to get shot down a lot.  

I have been struggling with purpose, and even the desires and needs I have. You have no idea how much you want a deep hug from someone one of those hugs that you just know that you matter. I am tired of having to second-guess myself all the time. I am doing pictures of church and will continue it gives me something to do during church plus when I sit  at the front I concentrate better.

Its hard feeling loneliness, I have been longing to talk with someone but it just feels nothing comes.I wish life was easier. I see those that practise darker things get blessings and I just wonder when will I get the longings of my heart. Its been hard.

My writing seems to be taking a step back because I am trying to connect with people more in person. I get tired of online yes I am longing for connection. Its hard doing life alone. I am feeling a bit depressed too..Well okay not depressed but really down. Depression I don't think have ever  had. or maybe. I don't know but extremely feeling down.

I just want Abundance to hit all areas of my life.

Right now I just feel so unimportant and like I do not matter one bit. I feel I could be gone tomorrow and no one would miss me. Its horrible going through life and feeling like you do not matter. Just cause I do things doesn't mean I feel valued. Sometimes you do things because you enjoy doing them. Not because people value what you do.

I am sorry this is not a good feel post. I mean it had some good bits but just struggling today.