Long time no post.

 

It has been over a month since I last wrote. Things have been crazy busy. 

I was glad to be part of my shelter's animal pics with Santa. It was a unique experience and frankly challenged me quite a bit. I am used to getting shots of animals being themselves, so trying to get them to pose is quite the challenge. I've added a few shots.

I also been busy with my cousins wedding and spent a few days with family well coming back home.

Can I be honest? This travel thing I will do it to see family and for business conferences, but I feel less like travelling. All the things I want take time to build and won't happen while travelling. Plus I like to be with animals and can't bring them along.

It has been hard, because I want to build relationships, but it's hard when you're not there, and relationships take time to build. They don't happen overnight. In all the travelling I did I never made any friends. It's lonely. 

Aside from my travels to Mexico for massive spay/neuter clinics, I haven't really made friends, and it's hard. It feels unattainable for me. Because no matter how hard I try to work, I make them.

Being an Introvert, a HSP, also with Social Anxiety Disorder, etc it makes it so much harder. I try, and I push, and I make an effort, but most of the time it is not fruitful.

Yet it is a basic need I find myself needing more and more: human connection. And not superficial. A connection can be light sometimes, but I need that connection not just hi how are you, beautiful weather, etc. Something with substance. And it's been hard.

I still have so many longings to connect with a few people at my church that I have not managed to develop yet, but the longing to connect with them has come. If I were a social butterfly, this would be so easy, but it's so hard for me.

This past month has been busy, I went to my cousin's wedding, did photography work for my local shelter, and am also trying to do more photography for my church as well. This makes me happy because I am doing something I love, but I so long for connection, and it makes me upset at myself that I can find the courage to say hi to people I want to talk with. I just hope God hears me and makes a way. But some days I feel like I lost. 

With both cousins married, with majority of people  I know married. It longs for my own companionship. It longs me for connections I want and unforuntaely I don't want to go back to the online dating world. That right there stresses me out. But I want that for my life.