Love is but for some.

 

You know this is something that I wanted since I was 5 years old. I wanted to be married, I wanted a husband, but life has been showing me otherwise.

Can I be straight with you? Marriage can be an idol, a husband can become an idol, and love can become an idol. And this is what it was for me. 

God has been showing me things lately, and I think this is why, at age 44, I haven't even been on a date with a man. I have never even spent more time with a man besides my dad.

I think its because I gave it priority, and put it above God. I see this now, with all the work I do on myself to grow and expand, and peel back layers. 

It's really hard seeing everyone you know finding love, and you can't even get a man. But, as I said, since I was young, I've been looking and looking for love, and giving it priority, and it never flourished in my life.

Honestly, even writing this out is incredibly hard to admit, but I must if I want to heal. 

Church and people don't make it any easier; they add to the pressure of finding someone. Asking questions like Are you married yet, etc. Church influence and societal values prioritize marriage above all. Even car insurance is cheaper if you're married vs single.

Even now, people view single women as less than women. A woman is to get a husband, and then she is worth something. 

I also do not believe in the lie that we need someone to complete us. Even within the Christian faith, I see posts people post about someone being their other half. And that they would be incomplete without them. I truly believe this is a social pressure and feel its also a lie that has been fed to us for far too long.

Do we need to be completed, yes, but by Christ. A man or a woman does not complete us. A partner should enhance our life, not look to make it complete. And it hurts me to hear people say that about their children. Children are a blessing but they don't complete you.

Yes, I do not see the typical faith-based person's perspective. Does God honour marriage? Yes, but it's not like there is a person out there for everyone. This is something Disney and romance movies teach us at a very young age. Some of us never find someone. Plenty of people who are single, especially religious figures.

I got tired of the broken record hearing people say. Oh you'll find someone. Trying to stay optimistic, but 10 years down the road, and have not even had a conversation. 

A husband/wife is a gift some selected people get to have for others this is not part of their experience. It's romantic to think there is someone out there for everyone, but it's not the actual reality.