Friendships and Community.

I have struggled with relationships my whole life. I am an introvert, highly sensitive person (HSP), I also battle with anxiety and depression, and it's all a worldwind of emotions that I have to deal with. 

I love being with my company, and it has helped me grow more than anything else out there. Even worked as a cashier for a brief time in 2020. But this relationship matter has been a struggle for me.

It's hard when you pour yourself and it runs empty. Perhaps I have not been the best friend, and this is why I have no relationships, even though I try. But I get discouraged when I try to build relationships and they turn up void.

Doing the anthology with my company helped me to be part of something. It was a project that I am so grateful I got the chance to be part of. However, I still struggle to have that sense of community and group of people who have my back.

I have put myself out there, but that doesn't mean it's going to turn out well. I know from my business that many results are because of consistency. There is no fast track to the desired outcomes.  We don't live in a world where you snap your fingers and you are there. Most of the results come from hard work and putting in the effort. I know this, but I wish friendship and community were a little easier.

You would think that, being an adult, things would be easier. Kids hurt other kids; they are still developing and learning what's right. Yet at 44, I struggle to connect with others and make meaningful relationships. I may have too high expectations, or this is a struggle that I was given. I really do not have the answers for this. All I know is that connecting with others has been my greatest life challenge.

You will often find me alone, or if I'm with someone, it's usually a dog or my sweet pup. I don't get into a whole lot of conversations even when I attempt and put myself out there. It has all been a challenge for me.

How to connect with others? This is something I don't know how to do. It's my greatest learning curve.

I am not sure people can understand how difficult it is for me. People take things for granted because socializing is so easy for them. But for me, it has always been a struggle.

Can I be honest? My whole life, I have never had a real human friend. Most of my friendships ended. I am learning to be social, and I can be social, interact with people, but that friendship where we have each other's backs, that has never been my experience. I have had a lot of non-human relationships, but human relationships, I haven't had many at all.


I wish this world were kinder to people, more understanding and more empathetic. For some of us, it is so tough. I hear of all these people that have had friends since a young age, and I am like most of the people I have or were friends with have evaporated and gone. Except for my cousins, everyone I once knew is a stranger now.

I have begun to believe I will be one of those people who will never experience friendship. I am starting to make peace with it., Count your blessings if you have real friendship, because that is something I can only dream of.